Being a mom is one of the best, most beautiful and rewarding of all things out there. It’s also super hard, taxing, and confusing of all things out there too. Every day is a mountain of ups and downs, trial and error and lots and lots of prayer. I’ve been a mom for almost 8 years now and it seems I am still learning the ropes, however I have had some time to learn a few things and realize when I’m totally screwing this whole mom thing up. Recently, through the wisdom of a very loving God, dear family and a handful of close friends my eyes have been opened to a very serious problem I have swept under the rug. This letter, I hope will shed some light to some of you Mama’s out there who might be under the same spell. These are some of the darkest, honest of all letters I’ve ever written, and I am ashamed that I’ve felt this way. I hope this very vulnerable letter will sink in and my apology will be taken.
Dear Sweet Girl,
I’m sorry. I’ve been quick to judge you and to find faults in you that others don’t see. I’ve been irrational and hard on you day-to-day. I want you do know I truly do love you.
I’ve been disappointed in how dirty your room is, how you keep your things in order. I’ve wondered many, many times what all your friends must think of you.
I’ve been consumed with what the other sweet girls around you must think of you when your hair isn’t curled, or your clothes aren’t matching. You always seem to pull out the same outfit over and over. It’s just not flattering on you.
I’ve been wondering why you aren’t more productive, why you spend so much time in the evenings just sitting in front of screen, zapping your brain cells.
I’ve been curious as to why you want to take on so many hobbies or activities and yet fail to complete any of them. You are really good at quitting.
I’ve been a little sickened with how often you go for the chips and candy and can’t fish out the perfectly bagged healthy snacks I have in the fridge for you. I keep telling you, the other stuff is off limits.
I don’t understand why you can’t seem to ever be on time. You’re always forgetting something, always leaving something somewhere.
I haven’t been very excited with all the piles of stuff you leave everywhere. That I have to pick up after. It’s like you just don’t care.
I’m so frustrated that I buy you clothes and you never wear them. What a waste of money.
I’m tired of seeing all your friends achieving your goals and all you are is sitting here stagnant.
I’m really sorry, sweet girl. I’m SO sorry I’ve been so busy seeing your faults I haven’t been able to see you the way God sees you or the way your friends and family see you.
I hope you will forgive me. For neglecting the person, you really are. For not embracing everything that makes you, YOU. Forgive me for expecting perfection and not giving you grace.
Oh, my sweet, sweet girl. I do truly love you.
If you’re reading this, I’m sure you are thinking what a horrible mom I have been for thinking these things on a daily basis.
And, you’d be right.
I actually don’t think of ANY of these things about my two little girls. I think pretty much the opposite. But for the last decade I have thought these things about one sweet girl for a very long time. That girl is myself. You see, this letter is to me. To this sweet girl writing this post right now. I realized recently that all the things I speak to myself I would never in a million years speak to my daughters no matter what age they are. However, I’ve let these thoughts, these LIES consume my mind and have believed them for far too long.
I am slowly beginning the process of believing the things I tell my girls everyday apply to me just the same. SO with that, I have this posted on my mirror. As a reminder of the words that I need to tell myself, just as I would my own child:
YOU are enough.
YOU are beautiful.
YOU are worthy.
YOU are accomplished.
YOU have so much to be proud of.
YOU have friends and family who love you.
YOU don’t have to be perfect.
YOUR home doesn’t have to be perfect.
YOU are strong.
YOU are loved by the same God who loves your children, in exactly the same way.
YOU are good.
Love you sweet girl,